Just by being around


Quoting from a friend’s blogpost

Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either.

 

There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand.

If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer.

You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that
you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is
wait.

Sometimes I feel the same, not willing to talk to anyone, not feeling happy and smiley, not knowing what the hell is wrong with me!

But also sometimes when I feel this way, I don’t want to stay alone. When I stay alone with myself when I’m not feeling well, my train of thoughts always drops me in depressing stations, and it gets worse the more I ride. I start to point everything that’s wrong, making me feel worse. I start pointing out everything that’s ok or even the good things in my life, and tell myself that these things can or could’ve been better. This whole condition sucks!

So I decide I won’t stay alone, because myself isn’t helping. I try to reach out for people, but then comes the hesitation of not willing to answer the regular questions…”what’s up with you?” or “you don’t seem yourself today, what’s wrong?”. Most of the time you won’t be able to phrase “what’s wrong” in a full sentence.  Or you want to cage that thought in a desolate chamber of your mind and imprison it there, and answering will set that negative thought free, ravaging through your head devouring all the positivity you sought to obliteration. The burden of getting asked can keep you alone…

It’s not that it’s nobody’s business; it’s just that you want to lose this feeling; you want to be with cheerful people who can cheer you up without trying to fix you. And you can’t put up a happy face and just pretend nothing is wrong, it’s tiring…

So most of the time when I feel down, I hang out with any group of my friends. I might stay silent and talk too little. But I’d be enjoying having them around, enjoying them having fun, enjoying watching them goofing around. It helps, it heals, it takes away the unwanted thoughts and if the atmosphere is inviting I forget.

Friends in need =) Friends indeed =)

Even if they don’t know…

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Posted on September 29, 2011, in Everything. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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