Nothing to do with a fresh new start
Today, I had a very pleasant flow of thoughts. I wanted to write about being temporarily crippled, using only one hand. I wanted to write about me imagining that I met one of my school teachers in the future, making up the dialogue that will occur depending on how good/bad they were as teacher back in school and how good/bad their life turned out when I met them a decade or two later….and others of course, maybe I’ll go back to those in the coming days.
But tonight, is the last night of my long summer vacation. The next morning I’ll change into another form of myself. The student in 4th year architecture, senior’s year, Architectural Engineering Department in Cairo University. It’s nothing to look forward to and I haven’t been looking forward to since last year.
It’s happening…and it’s happening TOMORROW! I don’t feel anything like summoning the good will of doing my best or setting a high grade target. No thoughts about the groups I’m gonna work with (although I hope my last year’s group won’t be disassembled). Not really looking forward to see the people of my group, not because I don’t miss them. I do, I do enjoy their company and we’ve had some fun times sharing the same suffering but unlucky for them they’re linked to the most frustrating memories I’ve had in my life. Sorry guys, I hate college, not you, but you’re together now and I can’t stand it.
I just need to get over with this year writing the last pages of this phase of my life. I want to reach the post-grad life as quick as possible, I’m passionate about me getting a job and learning at a reasonable pace from sources that fit me –unlike college’s- because I’m not the type of person who can perform well with the awareness of dropping a piece of knowledge and move on regardless. I couldn’t catch up and grasp all the info I wanted, I lost my motivation to learn because my outputs weren’t like what I wanted. I ended up losing more and more during the three years interval.
I hope this year passes as smooth as it can be, I hope it doesn’t include many sacrifices to the things I love doing, absences of places I love being at, missing people I love to be with…and of course…sucking at any of the college work to the extent critical enough to make me repeat it!
PS.I know you always have to raise your expectations, and work accordingly for the result to be achievingly exact or slightly lower. I’m marking my minimum target so that anything I get above that is a success 🙂 LOZAR STYLE! You can’t be good at everything =) specially if it’s a bad decision