From one “!” & back to “!”
It starts with brainstorming for the building form of my design project
An idea in my head, picturing it!
Can’t turn it into a physical form
I spend an hour sketching whatever my mind wants to, not focusing
I fall asleep with every minute passing at this point
Ok, I’m not gonna hand in a sketch tomorrow
To hell with the 10 marks, not gonna fail because of those (primary signs of recklessness)
My bro “you have a chance this year to achieve a V.Good grade”
A freshly graduated arch-friend “Care about the work you do, it’s not hard to raise your accumulative grade”
I only want to hit a Good grade, more than that I’m lucky and thankful, below that will make it harder.
I graduate with lesser choices, not having much and needing much (whatever that is)
I don’t exist where I’m supposed to be (wherever that is)
Get a low-paying job, know less people as years go by
Do absolutely nothing from what I’ve dreamt about
Still single, or married to someone I didn’t want to,
Someone not even close to the type who can be barely added to the list, (if there’s a list to begin with!)
just filling a vacancy, or out of mere pity. (self-pity)
Have kids, screw them up way more than I am, (more self-hatred)
Enter the hibernation routine, no thoughts, no words, no sounds,
Just into the cycle, and out by the end of the day.
Back home to the meaningless features of a home,
Back to the design form…still nothing!
4am, my self-set deadline , sleeps!
“Don’t leave me here, by myself, I can’t breathe” Evanescence – Farther Away
“Please don’t, Wake me till the morning after” Dead by sunrise – Morning After