I feel like it’s been a month since I last posted here. I’m not happy about it, but since my last two posts from Domiat. I’ve been thrown back into the raging seas of college and I’m barely surviving it. Many and many ideas long to be written down, they long to be set free!
And I feel bad for them because I’m not able to put myself into my writing rituals. It got harder to spare an hour daily to write a post. It’s even hard to grasp the 24-hour duration of a day. On the other hand, it’s a lot easier to decide whether to stay up and write, when the only three available modes are basic survival, work and sleep. This kind of routine eventually breaks you.
Another thing making it harder for me to write, is that the last two posts from Domiat were too good, and people’s feedback was overwhelming. And I want to hold on to that, to set this as my default, to always feel this good about writing here. So I don’t want my new posts to be any less better. So I’ve started to filter my ideas, labeling the thoughts into “good enough” and “not good enough”, which is against everything I’ve created this blog for.
I always want to exceed myself with the things I do. When I see myself developing, I want to keep developing with the same pace for as much time as I can. Otherwise, I won’t mind doing something over and over again as long as the outcome is acceptable. This prevents me from maintaining doing the things I do at most times when they’re not paying off that much.
I say it’s great to seek goodness in your work, but when I end up not doing it because I’m sure it’s not as good as my best work. I must be equally sure that I need an attitude switch =)