A close engagement
Today was a good day.
A friend of mine was getting engaged today. He’s not the first of my age to be blessed with this occasion. But he’s the first among my smaller circle of friends. I wish him and his wife-to-be a good trouble-free life together.
It makes me feel both older and younger. It’s a bit confusing, I haven’t thought about getting into a relationship that’s preliminary to serious official commitment. Aside for the occasional crushes that wear away pretty quick. I haven’t sought that path at all. Like in games, there’s this locked part that needs to be unlocked by winning other parts. It’s not a mere admiration or a whimsical crush that suffices to pick someone. I mean of course it’s a good first step, but it’s not always a good base to build the whole commitment upon. It’s a whole bunch of factors that one needs to consider before moving forward with that decision. Lots of inquiries and questions have to be previously prepared to reply and answer when you decide to meet your in-laws-to-be. And as I don’t think I have these things sorted out, it seems that it won’t happen before so long x) so from my perspective of thought, I’ll stay young for a long time before taking that step.
I also feel older because those of my age are closing that virtual gap I put between myself and being old enough to create my own family. Many people I know are doing it. Some are even younger than me. It applies this sort of pressure on me and what I’m doing right now, which is figuring out what I want with my life and what to do with it. It makes me feel that I have less time than I thought I did. Normally that would lead me to rush things up and try to initiate something, but I’m not. I don’t think it’s quite the right time to do that. Unless someone else chose to accept this -me- and -best way to put it- take that risk. That would be the only condition.