Floating


Okay…so today concluded the 14th day of two weeks which contained ZERO work on my GP…

Except for an external call for help from my brother’s friend who was actually a great help, it feels more likely for something to emerge from my hated building. And It’s my turn now to get down on it and continue.

First week was the spring vacation and the second was a personal decision. I’m not giving excuses to myself but it’s just something that I wanted to do, take a break from and eventually getting back to with a clearer head and a readier self. Again everything seems to be taking me towards a career shift, away from architecture. But we’ll get to that later, kinda far ahead from now to plan.

More importantly, I’ve been sort of evading most contact with anyone who knows about how sucky my performance is up till now, my brother, my mother, archi-friends…and the result wasn’t pretty as it caused me lots of problems. Even the non-archi friends, I wouldn’t talk too much about it…

I just wanted to erase it from the most commonly talked about topics! It puts me in a lousy state of mind, the one that I’m trying to distance myself from.

My mom kept asking -almost daily- if I was gonna work today and when I said no she replies “and what about your project? are you planning to fail? you’re gonna spend another year if you keep playing everyday” that’s when I get furious and we start to get louder…

My brother didn’t talk much because he knows more, but yet he kept nagging me about how long am I planning to stay like that. Then he mentions some people’s disappointed comments about my performance, which make me sad but then I realize it’s the way I chose to be so I feel sorry for that I won’t be changing that image anytime soon, so I just tell him “I don’t care”. Today he told me that I should appreciate the help and the time I got from his friend and start working on what we reached so it wouldn’t go to waste. That was actually a good point and I already held lots of appreciation to him but again, I needed sometime away…

My archi-friends…
I really miss them, and I didn’t see them since I got sick and left for home except for that one time last week when I visited them when I knew they were angry with me because I didn’t answer them when they called or messaged, and the few times I did my reply was kinda rude. It’s just that I decided to spend sometime alone and when the first week passed and it was Friday, I decided that I’m not gonna submit anything for Sunday’s sketch and so, I didn’t want to be asked their usual question “hatsallem walla la2 ya nabih?” then I’d say no they’ll ask why, when I’ll only come up with a weak reason they’ll start telling me off and stuff which will get me furious and then I’ll say stupid things…!

I just wanted some peace, to be left alone. I have to admit though that I had to call and check on them as most of us were having a really tough time full of unfortunate events, and they deserve an honest apology. But I hope they’d forgive my attitude.

You should all know that I wanted to take a break, draw some distance apart from the stinking project, the donkey work, the heavy thinking, the deadlines, the professor’s comments, the friends’ asking about my sketch’s mark…

I just wanted to rise above this shit for a while, grab a high cloud and stay afloat =)

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Posted on April 28, 2012, in Everything. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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