A Companionable Lone Walk

I had a small lunch, I’m now hungry. I grabbed my keys, my magnets, and some money then I told my mom I’m going to buy some sandwiches from the nearby “Shabrawy”. She asked me to get her some icecream from a shop I’m gonna pass by.

Before I turned off the A/C and headed out of the room I caught the first notes of Linkin Park’s song: In the end (Piano Instrumental), a song that’s very nostalgic to me. A friend of mine reminded me of it with one of her tweets, so I took the stairs softly humming it. I opened the gate and went out, the streets were so quiet, it usually feels scary but I was glad nobody was there. I headed towards Shabrawy passing by the shop which was closed as it was 2am. I grabbed my order and thought about getting icecream from a fairly further supermarket which could be open at this time. So I walked on, eating. I felt I’m in real need for a walk and this time was the best I could ask for. I reached the supermarket to find them open but off service for some reason. I turned back, I was done eating by then so I stopped at a small kiosk for a 7up can and in a minute I was home again.

I really enjoyed that small walk, it was refreshing, it was unique in a way, it had no interruptions, no interferences, it was mine, and it was only me.

Throughout this walk I had some thoughts in my head, it shifted from thought to the other in a smooth spontaneous way. As I got out of the room with In the end, I immediately remembered the first time I heard Linkin Park, and remembered those whom I used to listen to them with: Bassem, my best friend whom I know nothing about for around a year (guess that doesn’t make us best friends currently, but I’m still holding to the title…the title only), Dina a very delightful friend of mine, Yasser my badass archi-friend who used to make special dedications for me at the darkest times of college work with LP’s song Lying from you. Then I remembered imEU’11 and our closing documentary which used the same instrumental of In the end for the background music. I felt really nostalgic about those days and about how imEU makes me feel. I remembered Yasser (another Yasser) who was the genius behind the making of the documentary, I remembered how everyone got touched by it and many people cried. For me, I was happy, really happy because of the documentary and proud of my friend who did such awesome and fitting movie, and in the end I almost teared. I realized that this was the end, I was sad but I was smiling. And I was smiling again when it flashed again before me.

I shifted back to the first Yasser, then to my whole archi-group.
I do miss them…
Khattab, 3aty, Zingy, Yasser, Mostafa…
I missed them…
I missed being with them all day all night…

Then I stopped for a moment, I shouldn’t be missing this. I almost swore that after I graduate I won’t miss college, I hate college. Then I thought, I don’t miss college, I WON’T miss college!
I just miss my friends and all those moments, moments too many to count and too many to remember. I still hate the work, but loved being part of a team that achieves its goals at the end of the day, loved being part of a team that appreciates your effort in what you do best, a team that believes that every task is important for the next to be done. That’s what I missed…

Then from the phrase “what you do best” I jumped off somewhere else, about me and about what I do best and what I want to do with my life. I told myself I can do many things, I always thought I can do many things. It’s always been like that, canning and canning only. So I told myself “enough with the canning, if you can, then get it out of the can. Break the freakin can open and find something to do with what’s inside, don’t just say “I can” and keep telling yourself that. Canning is not enough, never been and never will be, you know that”. Then I thought about one of my cans, my writing, and the writing course I’m taking. I feel happy about it and I’m enjoying it so much. I went back to the part I was shouting at myself in my head and it reminded me again of my archies, who used to tell me off over the last year when I couldn’t care less about my grades or deadlines. I went quickly over the hardest moments I faced and how they always tried to push me to work, I’m glad and grateful they cared. Suddenly then, Mashrou’ Leila’s song popped in my head. The song’s called “3al hajiz”, one that we used to play when we were working and duing our countless nights when we stayed up working.

That song what stayed with me till the keys clicked the door open, ending my walk of companionable loneliness.

It starts with…one thing!

Posted on September 5, 2012, in Everything. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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