#2 A letter to the 14-year-old me
I don’t remember much of myself when I was 14, which school year was that?
In the year 2012 I’m a College Graduate, aged 22…
Back in 2007, I was a High school graduate, aged 17…
And in the summer of 2004, I had just passed Prep School, I was 14-years old. Yes, that’s the one! So here we go…
Dear 14-year old Nabih,
I don’t remember that much about you, about how you were, about the kind of person I was. After eight full years, so much has changed, so much has happened: attempts, decisions, mistakes, consequences, failures, successes, people, losses, gains, discoveries, places, thoughts, words, noises, activities…and more. Cumulatively these have piled up on each other, replacing or covering whatever preceded it. It feels so distant, like a whole other world, another life. Yet it’s strangely familiar that I’m surprised by the amount of crumbs I still carry with me from you.
I still remember how you were at school, with the pencil-case, the red backpack, the blue, black, green and red pens, the transparent ruler and that pencil sharpener you had but didn’t use, others usually borrowed it. I remember you looking at your friends’ handwriting trying to improve yours because yours was illegible.
I remember you having friends, but not in the same way everyone else had theirs. I remember your mother complaining about the numerous phone calls you used to get asking about homework, exams or which books to bring the next day. You rarely went out, with them or with anyone else.
I still remember the small notebook you used to write down that information; it wasn’t just one but many notebooks. And you were always keen on copying the classes’ timetable on the back of the cover, with the time at which each class begins and ends. I remember you carefully sticking the worn out covers so you won’t lose that timetable because it’s the main reference of many of your friends. I remember how troubled you got when your rubber disappeared under the desks.
Back then, you didn’t worry about your grades and your studying because they were the easiest. You wanted to be more sociable, I remember your first trials, when you wanted to extend your circle of acquaintances from just your class to include the other two classes, and the neighboring school. I remember you engaging in small talk and doing things you always rejected. I remember you deeply thinking about what your MSN nickname should be, hell I even remember what it was! “Feel free to ask me anything, I’ve reached the age I KNOW IT ALL!” or something close. You were silly, in a funny way, but your intentions are as sincere as ever.
I remember you spending all of your time at home, playing whatever games existed back then. It’s not much of a difference now; I’m still as passionate as you. Though I’m better equipped, I play less than you thought I would. I remember you trying to learn Counter-Strike and failing miserably. I remember you playing dozens of hardcore football matches against your brother on the PC. I remember you kicking everyone’s ass in CTR. I remember you completing above 95% of Crash Bash solo. I remember you laughing your heart out as your youngest brother throws you out of the icy arenas, removing each other’s long ass combos in pogo-stick mini-game, throwing TNT boxes at each other, trying to escape the revolving penguin, having no idea what to do in that dragon-riding archery mini-game, sending balls towards your brother instead of your enemies. Oh, I’m smiling at the memory of those times, I really wish I can play this game again right now =)
I remember you still had your father, but you were too young to realize the value of it. I remember you didn’t mingle much with your big family, to you it was nothing but a routine. It was just people to visit at certain times of the year.
You enjoyed your life, I can claim. But you only enjoyed what could only fit in the horizon of your mind, limited by what you know and what you saw. I should be glad to tell you that it will change BIG TIME, you’ll learn new things, meet new interesting people, realize your worth more as time goes by and most importantly, you’ll find things you’d love to seek and pursue, which is by far the most valuable fact of them all.
22-year old Nabih
Through the eyes of an ordinary girl