It’s about time, isn’t it?

Having to wake up for work every day, planning a monthly budgets to outline how much you spend of your salary, being responsible of a task from A to Z, keeping contact with those who matter, and others who matter less, watching your words, your actions, your intentions and being careful with everything that has your name on it…

It sounds like growing up, being that something they call “mature”. Well, for some time now maturity to me has been seen as too boring, too serious, too less enjoyable and too less spontaneous. I…um…I’m becoming aware that I’m kinda immature, in a way, and I’m not stubborn to claim that I’m right and all these “mature” people are doing it wrong. But it also seems that they always have a clear vision of the many many things at stake, every word they utter puts something out there in the field, against the blowing wind and they’re not sure whether it would stand its ground or get blown away. It sounds like they’re taking risks but I don’t think so, even being forced to do the “mature” or the responsible thing is a risk too, I think. Because if there’s something I’ve been killing myself for, it’s seeing the downsides of the possibilities, and from where I stand now, that’s all I see…negative consequences for every possible action I could possibly choose. There’s always someone who matters, who’ll end up unpleased and disappointed. There’s always choosing something over another. There’s always going to be sacrifices that no one will know of. There’s always you ending up doing things against your will…for purposes you might never grasp…

And I may still not understand the gravity of the situation I’m in, or walking into…


Posted on March 11, 2013, in Everything. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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