Parents aren’t perfect IV


How often do we disagree with our parents? Why are our opinions and views about stuff always conflicting? Why does it feel like they are there to oppose whatever we have to say or want to do?

As far as I’ve lived and as much as I’ve observed, I’ve seen that people -me included- are generally becoming less susceptible to change. The more we come of age, we start to become saturated with the knowledge we have due to what we’ve seen and learned along the years. We are not as flexible to swallowing new things that are different from the way we absorbed years, months or even days ago. We falsely think that we have reached the topmost answers, the final conclusions to any of the inner (or outer) debates we’ve been through. We falsely assume that the answers we have are undisputed facts. At the specific situation where you thought a certain decision is the right call, you also summoned the complementary actions or attitude to make that decision work. Then you stop at that, that certain point you’ve reached and you label it as “conclusive and satisfying” because after the mental and emotional struggling efforts; you found a peaceful point of equilibrium. Finding that sort of balance that makes you satisfyingly happy, or the one to feel indifferent to any of the negative consequences. At that point, your efforts stop and you start dealing with these conclusions as given solid facts, you think that “This is the way it is, the way it happens, the way it’s done.”

Which might be true to some extent, the right call would actually be the right call. But what’s wrong is that you don’t update, meaning you stick to what you know -or knew- without paying attention that the time passed renders you outdated. This might be harsh but it is definitely true.

What happens is years go by, during which your mental methodology works, and works well to the degree that reinforces your decisions being the presumed “right call/only way”. But after those years, you are unaware of the continuity of the decision making process for other people. The evolution of human interaction and the evolution of whatever else humanity has stepped into. Other new factors enter the sealed solved equation you have in mind, you don’t take into consideration that many many others have entered the same decision making cycle you did, and they definitely didn’t come out with the same answer or conclusion. Due to the multitude of differences in approach, thoughts, principles, priorities and also the personal abilities which allows summoning different complementary actions and attitude. While you still think that “This is the way it is, the way it happens, the way it’s done.”

It’s the same with parenting, while parents and their kids could have lots and lots of similarities, they do not live the same lives though. It’s theoretically impossible; one reason being that parents know the downsides of their past lives, so they try to make it better for their kids. Another is that even if the parents deliberately tried to replicate the life they had, the intellectual and characteristic outcome will definitely not be the same.

I strayed off topic a bit here so let me get back to my original intent: The kid-parent disagreements. It’s more likely for your parents to disagree to whatever idea you came up with, genius -to you- or pointless -to them- they will mostly say No! Parents are kinda programmed to that, it’s a protective defense mechanism of some sort (You must be yelling “How in the seven hells would that be protective?” right now). Since you were born and during your early years, their job was basically keeping you alive. The basic needs hunger, thirst, comfort and health. The maximum trouble you can cause is taking away their sleep, of course until they succeed in keeping you alive and you learn how to move around, interact with surroundings, the latter which includes your early attempts at genius ideas (notice the pattern here). So, if you were a messy baby who throws food around, pulls down curtains, breaks vases and other breakable objects. Your parents’ treatment gets based on that trouble-making attitude whether you were a kid, a boy/girl, a teen, a full grown adult. The parents will deal with you and your genius ideas by the same methodology, because hey, you never learn. They will always be fearful for your safety, every decision you make or every -again- genius idea you come up with translates like this “I’m older, more powerful than yesterday. I saw something I never knew about before so I decided to go ahead and dive nose-first like a crazed little maniac. Oh, and there might be a chance for self-destruction but hey, I’m free to do what I like, right? right?”. So it becomes kind of a habit for your parents to say No. Because -at most times unlike you- they see a billion ways of how things could go wrong (wrong the way defined by their experiences) with your unprecedented genius will to, well, maybe just to buy another can of coke!

To be continued…

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Posted on October 5, 2013, in Everything and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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