It hasn’t been going well for quite some time. The regular ups and downs on the overall but for me, personally, it’s been heading towards hell. Personal death and decay, nothing on the lookout, nothing in the making, nothing achieved, nothing.

There has been a gradual decline in my personal solitary activity on all ends for several months. But only in the last month that I have run out of fuel. Where all I had to do is follow the social consensus of fulfilling my social duties of my many social circles, which is and never was as satisfactory. I looked into refueling through those circles but it wasn’t fruitful. It was only an attempt, wasn’t expecting much gain from it but it’s there at the bottom of my “Things to do to refuel”. I’m not sure if I skipped any of the items on that list, now that I think of it.

If this proved anything, it only reinforced my ever-lasting belief that “You should never make it about the people.” because there’s a good chance that I don’t know how to correctly make it about the people.

So where do I go for outcomes?

Months ago, after deciding the path to focus on. There were a lot of waiting for things to happen so I can continue walking down that path. Things didn’t happen, and I’m stuck right after step one. Any attempts to change paths would be an outright betrayal to the decision to focus on this one. That’s most of what’s been keeping me back, though during the months I managed to take one step at least. But I didn’t want to be taken away from where I stand.

I must act differently right now, because 8 months is too much, two-thirds of a year, with zero -if not negative- effect/outcome. So much put on hold, so much unfinished business, so much unbloomed thoughts, so much unused resources.

That pressure don’t care when it breaks your door
Say it’s all you can take, better take some more

‘Cause I know what it’s like to test fate
Had my shoulders pressed with that weight

The nights go on
Waiting for a light that never comes
I chase the sun
Waiting for a light that never comes

Linkin Park – A light that never comes


Posted on October 18, 2013, in Everything and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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