Do I have to talk? Do I need to talk? Who should I talk to? Someone old? Someone young? Someone new? Some stranger?
But wait…what do I need a talk for?
I am repeating myself, I’m growing weaker and weaker as time passes me by, with all the uselessness the world could summon and channel unto one person. I always show promise, potential. But never did the opportunity came that I freakin’ reach some satisfying level of satisfaction.
Okay it might have come a few times in the past, but it’s been long since a good one showed itself. I need to get some things straight. There’s this life I want to try out. But do I want to just try it out to see that it doesn’t suit me? Like my friend told me in the last Eid’s reunion: “Get it over with already, find a job so you can be sure that this is not your thing.” It sounds like getting into something with the decision and intention to fail.
I made some decisions and I chased after them for quite some time. And eight months later I don’t see myself anywhere near what I was aiming for. I even feel worse.
So why am I asking about a talk? Do I need someone to remind me of my strengths? Do I need someone to support me and push me forward? Do I need someone to motivate me and help me get where I want?
Or do I need someone to do it for me?
Pathetic, there are no magicians in this world anymore, which is a bummer.
It’s sad. I am sad. I am loaded with so much that’s weighing me down.
Wait…does saying it out loud makes it true? if that’s true, it could work backwards.
Okay, so there’s not much weighing me down. What I’m going through is very normal, my situation resembles so many others’. Everything’s gonna be okay…
Oh god I’m tired. My headache’s growing darker and my thoughts are gathering like clouds. I’m afraid it might rain.
Wait, what if it rains? let it rain dammit. It might as well sweep all these underlying mines, or trigger some of them at least.
Sense? I’m not making any sense, do I have to?
“Do I have to?” the question people always answer with Yes, which in turn pushes me to find a trillion ways for a “No”
This is what you might call insane, am I insane? What if I am?
I’m just a guy with a disturbed mind, diseased with an overly underachieving infection and a despised awareness of emotions.
The end to this? Let’s be honest, you don’t want this to end, you’re nurturing it to last so your diseased perception can feed on it.
You deserve nothing, you deserve no-one, you will remain here in your place as you watch what’s almost within your grasp fly off far.
Admit it, you don’t want to get hurt by anything, or anyone…so you inflict that hurt upon yourself.
Haunted by the ghost of what you seek…